hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
