Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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