im drinking this country out of the recession.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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