ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
