Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
