Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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