Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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