If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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