i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
