JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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