Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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