she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
