I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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