Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
