I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
