Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
