I haven't been this sober since birth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize