at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
