Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
