I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
