I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I could make wine with my vomit
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize