I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
