I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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