my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
