Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
