I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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