If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
