i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
