Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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