How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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