I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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