You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
