I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
