Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
