My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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