Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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