Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
