1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
