so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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