we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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