A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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