I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
