For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
