so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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