ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
