did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
