The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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