if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize