There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
