Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
