Even the bartender felt bad for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
