So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize