She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
