SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm passing your future prison.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
