I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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