2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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