no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
