Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
