WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
