honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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