I feel like I'm in dance class right now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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