The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You did what with his pubic hair?
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