Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
