I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
