3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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