Cold hands, warm shart.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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