If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize