fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
