I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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