Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
