I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
